Celebrity Moms....mostly bad parents to be.

So it is interesting to see who is expecting a baby with me. Some are downright annoying and you feel sorry for the unborn baby. Some I am genuinely happy for. Most don't even register as interesting. I thought I'd log a few for my interest alone. Although I know at least one of my readers has an unhealthy obsession like me in celebrity gossip. We can stop anytime. So let's start with the annoying ones.
Nicole Richie. Stopped doing crack for the press, I mean baby. I am still bugged with whichever Madden brother she is dating for dating her so soon after dumping Hilary Duff. I told you this was really important. I like my celebrities to have a nice cooling off period. Impregnating an anorexic coke whore is not cooling off. Sorry for the strong language. Hormones.
Halle Berry. Also unmarried. Much healthier, but still icky. I also roll my eyes at any actress having a first baby after 40. Nothing wrong with having babies at that age, don't misunderstand me. It's just convinient that once the sex-symbol thing starts to wear off they run for the nurseries. Ala Sharon Stone. Ugh. Don't get me started on her. Also Halle has an enormous bump for being "barely three months". Maybe it shows more if you don't have body fat.
Christina Aguilera. I can only imagine the tarty outfits she will conjure up during her time. At least she's married.

Those are the worst I suppose. Here are the rest.
Salma Hayek. Big as a house. That would be the meanest statement in the world, and one I will regret in seven months. Here's a little story. When she made the movie Fools Rush In she played a pregnant woman. And at the time I remember thinking that she was the most adorable pregnant woman ever. So it is refreshing to see that her "real" pregnancy is more of an equalizer. She is engaged to a billionaire. Good for her, I guess.
Milla Jovovitch. Models. Ugh. She was recently interviewed and photographed (nude) for a magazine. Her statements were all annoying and hopefully naive. All about her new curves and her healthy Russian arms etc... She looks just like she always has. Skii-iinny. Only she looks like she is arching her back. Ugh.
Linda Evangalista. She is 41 her boyfriend billionaire is 60. Remember when people were just millionaires? Ya. Me too. Another rich model. Ugh.
Charlotte Church. Is she old enough? Wasn't she 13 like yesterday?
Ali Landry. Another model/actress who will surely be lovely all nine months. She's the one that was married and annulled to Slater.
Paulina Rubio. Drea DeMatteo. Tameka Foster. Garcelle Beauvais Nilon. Noel Gallagher's girlfriend. Anthony Keidis' girlfriend. (He is 44 she is 20!) Samantha Morton. Helena Bonham Carter. Jill Hennessey. Constance Zimmer. Toni Collette. Kim Raver (Also too skinny). Thalia Mottola (Tommy is Mariah Carey's ex.) Jack White's wife Karen Elson (another model). Mark Ruffalo's wife. Brandon Flower's wife Tanya. Joey McIntyre's wife. Isla Fisher (cute) Elisabeth Hasselbeck (adorable).

Reported pregnant but probably not. Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes #2, and sadly Jenna Bush. Interesting. If you know of any others drop me a line. And if you don't know who most of those people are, then feel proud of yourself. You have not wasted weeks worth of time learning about people who will never really matter in your life, except to lower your self esteem.

It's time!!!!

It's time for the Academy Awards- that are almost always a let-down. (But not this year baby! Kir & Darrens party is going to rule!!) It's time for Paris Hilton to start wearing underwear. (I want Stacy and Clinton of What Not To Wear to rip her a new one.) ((I wish Clinton was straight.)) It's time for me to take a vacation, I am getting way too cranky at work. (Big V is so not happening, time to be out of debt, grrrr.) And most of all, it's time for everyone to take a few minutes and blog. Me included. Love to all -M

Alyssa Milano is just an idiot.

Rather than attach her to a list of celebrities who bug, I thought I'd just give her a few minutes of my time with no distractions. This woman is such a relationship genius that she has been in a multitude of massively public breakups. And actions like posing nude and roles in major lame-o-la movies has proven that she is not exactly a rocket scientist. You can just check US Weekly or the like for a catalog of her dysfunctional life. She never really made my radar before until I read a recent article about her and she had the nerve to blame her parents, her happily married and very normal parents- for her dysfunctional relationships. See, from her point of view, she never knew that you could be a happy adult and be single. Because her parents were happy and married. She didn't know there was another option. Wow.(not WoW) She is an ID-I-OT. What a ridiculous slant to put on normal. Now nuclear families will get blamed for any screwing up that happens too. It's bad enough that we live in a society that encourages us to look anywhere but at ourselves for explanations for our horrible behavior. Now we apparently have one more place to blame. Happiness. She is baleeted.

Overrated celebrities, my personal list. Volume 1

So this will be a list of celebrities that for one reason or another I can't stand. Not always good reasons, just my very personal and prejudiced reasons. I understand if you don't agree. Or if you have a soft spot in your heart for one of these people even if they are trashy or lame. I know, not a very Christian list. Oh well, judge me if you must. I just get tired of the world adoring certain people for all the wrong reasons, and I want to say why. And it is an incomplete list. So there might be later installments. Also, I say hate quite a bit. I probably mean disgust or exasperation. Now, without further ado, let the venom roll.

1. Kimberly Stewart I hated her before she called Jennifer Aniston homely. I hated her before her publicity stunt of an eleven day engagement. I have disliked her before I knew she was a Paris Hilton cronie. I have been annoyed with her because she is a very ugly girl who is always touted as a model. I'm sorry, but she is heinous. Enough with the ridiculous Dorothy Hamill bangs and overly done eye-makeup! SHE IS UGLY! Yes, she is tall, thin, blonde and rich. That does not make her a pretty. It definitely does not make her a model. Nor does walking a charity run-way or two because of her father's name. Calling Jennifer Aniston homely? When she is a terrier? No. Uh uh. She is ridiculous. Go spend your inheritance or find a real job. Just stay out of US Weekly. She is not famous for anything she has ever done on her own. Obviously she realizes this, and it's why she got engaged for eleven days. At least it was something she did.

1a. Rod Stewart You are not Frank Sinatra. You sound like someone made you drink Draino. Your voice is not soothing, no one thinks you're sexy, you are a dirty old man dating a woman your daughter's age, and you are British! So stop singing American classics like we were all dying for an "ultimate" version. You suck.

2. Tyra Banks Tyra thinks she is the heir apparent to Oprah. And for some reason Oprah adores her. Because she's "real". She will say she was an awkward skinny kid. She will say the other models hate her and make fun of her because she is black. (Horrible-horrible racist models! They are so intolerant!) But she just keeps on keeping it real. Bless her. Ok. She is beyond ridiculous. Her talk show is a joke. I realize she doesn't write it all herself, but she acts as if everything that comes out of her mouth is akin to God's spoken truth. "Girl, you need to believe in yourself!" What?!?! Really Tyra?? But how?! Teach me! Show me the way!!! "My breasts are real!" Now I can sleep at night!!!So, I must admit, I love America's Top Model. It is catty and fast paced and about fashion. (In it's own way) However, I can not stand the judging time. If any of the girls (all novices) do something less than stellar, Tyra takes it upon herself to show them how a PRO (herself) would do it. It's like when Alex Trebek slips up and acts superior when giving the right answer after a contestant's wrong one. Wow, real tough stuff with those answer cards right there. Anyhow. Tyra is trying so hard in every moment that it shows. Pompous windbag might apply here.

3. Paris Hilton By the way, these are in no particular order, otherwise she might be first. I can't even waste the time to catalog her faults. So I will just say that she is my litmus test for any man I date. If he finds her attractive in any way, he's out. Way way out.

4. Angelina Jolie Earth mother. Let's all just take a minute and applaud this humanitarian. What a wonder. What a magical and enlightened soul she must have. Think of all she's accomplished. The lives she's lived in her short thirty years on earth! The wonderful men she's shared a time with. What a beautiful thing her love is. I bet it is so nourishing. She must be such a talented mother. What a multi-tasker too! She's made over eight movies in the past two years or so! Wow! How does she do it all? Ok. So the sarcasms done. Many famous women have said that they would go gay for Angelina. The funny thing is they don't have too. Because she is a man. A manny man whore.

5. Cameron Diaz Curl your hair. I am tired of the stringy shaggy thing she's been sporting for the last seven years. And I am tired of her "I'm just one of the boys" routine. It is so played. Oh goodie! You fart, burp and swear. Yet you look like a super-model? That is sooo interesting. And just marry JT already.

6. Tom effing Cruise You are an idiot. A full fledged idiot. Much like a friend of mine who does not believe in psychiatry or any related field as a legitimate branch of medicine, my head wants to explode when they talk about it. Obviously they do not know anyone who has ever dealt with anything. Why is it that the people who deny the existence or chemical imbalances seem the most imbalanced of all? I hope Katie gets rocked with postpartum real bad. And what's with buying his own sonogram machine. I hadn't realized that Tom (genius that he is) had studied obstetrics. Wow. That- on top of being the world's most overrated actor! Seriously, he's awful. Even movies that I like with him in it, I have to admit that he is a one note character. The same one note character. In every one. And in interviews he is just insufferable. When asked about his black children and how he has dealt with it, he honestly answered in his whisperiest voice- "I just don't see color". Whoa. That is so original! And so moving! Oh please. He is a pathetic man who apparently has love for everyone, except anyone who chooses to live their life by their own beliefs. Then he has snake venom and hate. Kind of like this blog.
Again, I don't actually hate these people. They are like fictional characters on Melrose Place. Did anyone actually like Michael Mancini? No. Of course not. It's the same with these yokels. Ok. Enough for now.