Thursday, September 06, 2007

Celebrity Moms....mostly bad parents to be.

So it is interesting to see who is expecting a baby with me. Some are downright annoying and you feel sorry for the unborn baby. Some I am genuinely happy for. Most don't even register as interesting. I thought I'd log a few for my interest alone. Although I know at least one of my readers has an unhealthy obsession like me in celebrity gossip. We can stop anytime. So let's start with the annoying ones.
Nicole Richie. Stopped doing crack for the press, I mean baby. I am still bugged with whichever Madden brother she is dating for dating her so soon after dumping Hilary Duff. I told you this was really important. I like my celebrities to have a nice cooling off period. Impregnating an anorexic coke whore is not cooling off. Sorry for the strong language. Hormones.
Halle Berry. Also unmarried. Much healthier, but still icky. I also roll my eyes at any actress having a first baby after 40. Nothing wrong with having babies at that age, don't misunderstand me. It's just convinient that once the sex-symbol thing starts to wear off they run for the nurseries. Ala Sharon Stone. Ugh. Don't get me started on her. Also Halle has an enormous bump for being "barely three months". Maybe it shows more if you don't have body fat.
Christina Aguilera. I can only imagine the tarty outfits she will conjure up during her time. At least she's married.

Those are the worst I suppose. Here are the rest.
Salma Hayek. Big as a house. That would be the meanest statement in the world, and one I will regret in seven months. Here's a little story. When she made the movie Fools Rush In she played a pregnant woman. And at the time I remember thinking that she was the most adorable pregnant woman ever. So it is refreshing to see that her "real" pregnancy is more of an equalizer. She is engaged to a billionaire. Good for her, I guess.
Milla Jovovitch. Models. Ugh. She was recently interviewed and photographed (nude) for a magazine. Her statements were all annoying and hopefully naive. All about her new curves and her healthy Russian arms etc... She looks just like she always has. Skii-iinny. Only she looks like she is arching her back. Ugh.
Linda Evangalista. She is 41 her boyfriend billionaire is 60. Remember when people were just millionaires? Ya. Me too. Another rich model. Ugh.
Charlotte Church. Is she old enough? Wasn't she 13 like yesterday?
Ali Landry. Another model/actress who will surely be lovely all nine months. She's the one that was married and annulled to Slater.
Paulina Rubio. Drea DeMatteo. Tameka Foster. Garcelle Beauvais Nilon. Noel Gallagher's girlfriend. Anthony Keidis' girlfriend. (He is 44 she is 20!) Samantha Morton. Helena Bonham Carter. Jill Hennessey. Constance Zimmer. Toni Collette. Kim Raver (Also too skinny). Thalia Mottola (Tommy is Mariah Carey's ex.) Jack White's wife Karen Elson (another model). Mark Ruffalo's wife. Brandon Flower's wife Tanya. Joey McIntyre's wife. Isla Fisher (cute) Elisabeth Hasselbeck (adorable).

Reported pregnant but probably not. Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes #2, and sadly Jenna Bush. Interesting. If you know of any others drop me a line. And if you don't know who most of those people are, then feel proud of yourself. You have not wasted weeks worth of time learning about people who will never really matter in your life, except to lower your self esteem.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


Big news! Well maybe not. Anyone who reads this already knows the big news. So....boring blog! Yay! Yes. I finally get to have a baby. So does Clayton. We're gonna share actually. Although I really think I should get all naming and dressing privileges for having to hang onto the baby for 9 months in a row. I know, I know, everyone else in the world from the beginning of time has done this before. But now it's me. Much bigger and more important than all of those 80 billion or so other pregnancies. So we are due in April. Which is a lovely time to have a baby, don't you think? As for any ill effects? Oh I have plenty. Sadly (or maybe thankfully? I'm not sure yet) I have every non-symptom you can have. I have the near opposite of what most women get. Not perfect healthy carefree days, no. Just other charming symptoms. According to all of the mom-to-be books, I don't exist. Because my symptoms NEVER happen in pregnancy. However when I go on-line I meet several other women who hate the books like me. I love the internet. It can make anyone feel normal. Or perfectly abnormal. Anyhow, now I have a cold which has made me sit out work this week. Not complaining, well, ya. I am. Oh well. More time to work on names. I already have my boy and girl name. Now I just have to convince my sweetie that they are awesome "cool kid" names. Considering my love of 18th century literature, I don't know if that is a true statement. One of my favorite heroines is Fanny from Mansfield Park. Only a kid as cute as Autumn could pull that off. (See the link to Favorite Redheads) It's nice to accept the fact that my babies can't be as cute as my nieces and nephews on both sides. I'm not being modest. Or maybe I'm bragging for them. But what can you expect when twenty some-odd children are freakishly beautiful? No one can keep a winning streak up that long. I've accepted this and will be perfectly happy with my boring, plain-faced, blah looking kids. I will dress them in ridiculously cute clothes to compensate. Oh. And of course they will be smart and well behaved. I am kidding you know. I learned to never make statements like that as they will bite you in the bum later on. So Yay!!! Join the baby party and have one too! (Within the bonds of matrimony please.) All the cool kids are joining the club. Actually I am annoyed at what celebrities I am pregnant with. More on that later.

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