Monday, January 19, 2009

...did they explode?

No they did not! (See last post.) Hooray! I bucked up and got dressed up to go out in the cold to retrieve the bag of beverages. I got there in the nick of time to find them firm but not solid. So ya- that truly must be what all of you have spent the last two days worrying about. I also got a nap before we headed to our prenatal class. Good thing too as it wasn't exactly a show stopper. A lot of common sense information, a lot of review of stuff we already knew and a lot of idiots asking either stupid questions ("There are no stupid questions." I completely disagree. There are plenty.) or questions about stuff the nurse JUST COVERED. But being the goody two shoes I have always been, I enjoyed answering the harder questions the teacher asked, even if just in my head. Ok, so most weren't really that hard. Or at least they shouldn't be. Did any of these people read their pregnancy books? Have they ever been around a pregnant person? Have they watched an episode of the Cosby show?

It reminded Clayton and I of our engagement. Before we got married everyone told us to read "Between Husband and Wife" by Lamb Brinley. Our sweet bishop even gave us a copy to read aloud together. So like good little troopers we did as asked. And laughed through most of it. I hope I'm not offending anyone who really liked that book. It was just a bit ridiculous. If you've taken even a Junior High level health class before, or have read a copy of Cosmo in the past ten years, then you really do not need to read this book. We felt bad for the couples who might have found it insightful.

So prenatal class is a bit like that. There was a lot of good information given, I just can't imagine getting to your 7th month or so, and not have picked up any of it yet. One good part was just the tour of the hospital. I hate not knowing where to go or what to do, so that put me at ease for the big event. We also enjoyed making fun of the other couples. Oh- by the way, we aren't good people. Sorry if you were under a misapprehension there. We didn't say anything to anyone but each other, but still. Very immature. The girls were all fine, it was just the annoying husbands who gained our disrespect. There was the Show Off, who apparently knows more about vaccines than the visiting pediatrician and more about episiotomies than the delivery nurse. The Idiot who kept embarrassing his wife with questions about how often things go wrong. The Front-Row-Joe who just would not shut up, and a few other characters.

Of course, then there's us. The two juveniles, who despite being a few years older than everyone in the class, could not stop giggling. Not over body parts or functions, no. Just our own amusements. However, anyone who might of heard us laughing wouldn't know the difference. So we probably looked like morons. Oh well. One thing that kept us giggling? Deciding early on that we could earn treats by saying certain inappropriate phrases aloud. Which ones? I'll list them, so if you are ever in a class like this, you can avoid them.

That's what she said.

Ya- very erudite. So all in all, nothing exploded. Not our drinks, nor our heads from the wealth of information we covered that day. Although watching the birthing videos could make you get close. The vignettes on Chris & Paula and Lourdes & Jonathan were a special treat. Why is it that any video on childbirth uses a national geographic (ie: Extra nude, and usually a bit on the un-photogenic side.) couple as it's focus? I think it's because if you are willing to have a camera crew follow you around, you are a little more "free" with everything else as well. Blech.

For the record, the only people allowed in our delivery room will be me, baby, Dr and maybe Clayton. He isn't even 100% sure he wants to be in there yet. He's not the best around needles and such. In which case my mom would be a discreet alternate. TLC's A Baby Story often shows delivery rooms packed full with father-in-laws, brothers and even neighbors hanging out, videotaping the action from the "wrong" end. Seriously! Ok, so my head did just explode a little.


Lisa and company said...

I can see how ALL of those phrases could be completly and totally appropriate during birthing class.
Glad nothing exploded!

alison said...

I am so relieved! And I hope Clayton decides to be there...he's not going to want to miss this! Clint is at least as queasy, but has successfully made it through all 4 of our children's births. You can do it, Clayton!!

Matt and Melissa said...

enjoyable post as always. You are like a weekly comedy column for us. Enjoy every minute of your first baby experience, even if it invovles making fun of others.

Allison Hansen said...

You and I had nearly identical experiences! I'd say it was a waste of time, but oh, the pleasure of nervous-new-parent watching! I can't even count the dumb questions! And I had to sit on my hands so I wouldn't be the obnoxious girl with all the answers, but seriously people! Can you believe all thsee people are procreating? We, too, were dying of giggle fits over non-bodily but just silly stuff. And then I had a C-Section. So all the lectures about picturing your happy place and imagining a peaceful flickering candle flame were completely useless anyway.

The Hytes said...

So I put some 2 liters of soda out on the back porch since there was not enough room in the fridge and wanted them to be cold for the festivities we were having. I forgot about them and the next day went outside to retreive. Did you know that Diet Dr. Pepper does not freeze? I'm a little scared to drink it now. Is anti-freeze an additive?

Brent & Andrea said...

Thanks for making me laugh SO much! Exploding drinks, pet trains, annoying people. You and Clayton have the same "wicked" sense of humor as my sister & I. My mom always told us to be nice but we can't help ourselves, and continue to mock most people anyway.

Adam said...

Some parenting tips

Shauna said...

Hilarious...still laughing at the Cosby show part. See, if we had only made a big joke of it, perhaps Sterling wouldn't have hated it so thoroughly.

Also, was reading this post anxiously awaiting the story about tasting the breastmilk. And then I remembered that that was Heidi's story. Heidi really needs a blog. Of course, she, unlike me, would probably have enough tact not to post that story.

Azúcar said...

We had the same people at our class. Maybe they just go as their hobby.

Point of fact: I was early enough with my first that I hadn't actually had a discussion with my then OB about when to call and when not to call. When my water broke VERY unexpectedly, I completely and totally used the information I learned on the Cosby Show to know when to call my doctor. Two minutes apart? Yup, time to call Dr. Huxtable.

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