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Friday, November 07, 2008

Pregnancy is a Magical Time...

...and don't get me wrong. I love it. I have been so blessed and we are so grateful for the chance to start our family. That said, let me tell you about some of the "perks".
1- New Magical IQ Level Hint: it didn't get bigger.
To start, it took me three tries to spell the word 'magical' in the title. I'm not the world's best speller, but lately I feel like I need a dictionary just to spell my name. A few weeks ago I couldn't tell Clayton the fourth President on Mt. Rushmore. And now I can't remember if I had forgotten Roosevelt or Jefferson. I also couldn't tell him the President on the dime. F.D.R. in case you are pregnant too. Clayton wasn't buying the pregnancy brain excuse. Little bits of knowledge that I normally feel secure in, suddenly escape me. It's beyond frustrating. I really hope this scatterbrain feeling goes away after delivery.
2-New Foxy Body Hint: it did get bigger.
I'm not naive about what pregnancy does to a body. I also realize I am the last person on earth (it seems) to experience this. However, it still comes as a shock every time I look in the mirror. I am not disgusted or upset, just a little startled and then I move on. It's bizarre. I wish I could put into words how strange it all is, but as we just learned in topic #1, I'm not the writer I used to be anymore. The only thing I am concerned about would be my belly button. It has gone from innie to flat, and is now on it's way to outie. Bugger. And I know why. Not because a little person is pushing it out from the inside, no. It's punishment. Karma. You see, when I was 14 I was at the mall with my sister Jennifer. We saw a lady who had to be in her 10th month walking around in a very tight and bizarre stretch, stirrup-pant, jumpsuit thing. It was bright teal green, so it caught your attention. Well, she had the most pronounced outie that I had ever seen. So of course I ogled in fascination and horror. I didn't point or laugh, but I doubt I was discreet. Well, the memory is still vivid. More so now because I realize that she probably was at the mall walking around to try and get her labor started. She was wearing the ridiculous outfit because it was the one piece of clothing that still fit. And she was probably extremely annoyed that this stick figure 14 year old girl wouldn't stop staring at her. So now I will have a ridiculous outie because my anorexic looking, idiot 14 year old self made it so.

3-The Fantastic Unsolicited Advice I Get Hint: let's review what unsolicited means.
Let's start with Doreen from work. I flew a trip with Doreen when I was about three months along. Then I flew with her a week ago. She was eager to hear what the gender was and so I told her. The words were barely out of my mouth when she said: "Oh, I could have just told you that you were having a girl. Because with a boy you only gain weight out front, and with a girl you gain a ton of weigh all over." She made a circling motion with her finger pointing at all of me as she said it. Hmmph.
I would say that 95% of all of my co-workers insist that I not quit my job. Not that I asked them. It's just the first thing they seem to want to tell a pregnant flight attendant. Apparently being a stay-at-home mom is now the equivalent of working as a stripper. You really have to defend your notions, only to have them still shake their head in confusion or pity. Don't get me wrong, I think a woman should be able to choose what path she wants in motherhood. And I know way too many awesome women who are single moms or need to work to help the family or just choose to for a million other reasons. But who would of thought that people were so against the old fashioned June Cleaver bit? I've taken to telling people that I will decide when the time comes. Which is true. Never say never right?
People have told me I am carrying high, others that I'm carrying low, but no one just comes up and says: "Wow, you are carrying just right!" It's usually passengers on my plane. They have lots to say to me. Most people are sweet and well-meaning, but a few ask pointed questions like:"How long DO they let you work for on this job?" That's not a bad question, and the answer is- not past 7 months or as long as you still feel ok. But it's the emphasis on the question that implies that I am a freak. Understood. There isn't that much room for me on the plane, and it is rapidly getting smaller.
I also had a guy say he wanted to ask me a huge favor. Ok I say, thinking he needs help with a connection or something. But then he surprises me with: "GET AN EPIDURAL." Apparently he had to suffer through his wife going through some tortuous three day natural thing. No problem strange man, I will take your advice. I am of the "modern medicine is my friend" mindset. Seriously, how bad was it for him that he feels the need to spread the good word on pain killers? Poor guy.
Even my cute mother-in-law had a bit that I hopefully can't use. I told her about the first time I felt the baby kick and she said to "mark her words, that six months from that day is the day I would deliver". She acknowledged that it is an old wives tale, but that it was true for each of her babies. Let's hope she felt extra early. Otherwise I will be delivering a month and a half past my due date.

I have many more things I could say about this. Clumsiness, exhaustion, moodiness, bad sleep, new freaky things I learn everyday that you should NEVER do when pregnant, but I just did etc... etc.. I could also talk about the amazing things that I've experienced. Extra patience (from others towards me, not the other way around) feeling the baby move all day, getting to buy baby clothes... but this is long enough for now. So I will just leave you with this treat.
I wish I could say this was my Halloween costume, but no. This is the maternity treasure that I get to wear to work from here on out. This picture isn't properly conveying the frumpiness. It is apparently made at the Yearning For Zion dress shop. (PS. That's the Warren Jeff's compound.)

Rarrr!



8 comments:

Helicougar said...

Marianne, you are the funniest person I know. I love your blogs. I can't wait for awesome Firth to be born!

Matt and Michelle said...

You're the cutest little flight atttendant ever! Isn't pregnancy just the best!?!

Wendi said...

I wish I could say in my case my brain cells came back to life after my girls were born--not so--after each birth I lost brain cells. I figured if I had more than two children I would be brain dead. And when you're dealing with a pre-teen and a teenager you need those brain cells-don't you? A pregnant woman is a magnent for "well meaning" advice. Good luck!

monica said...

OH MY GOSH! YEARNING FOR ZION! (the W.J. Compound?) Hilarious MARIANNE - I nearly laughed so hard I cried. I learn so much reading your blog - like who is on the dime, or the 4th president on mt. rushmore, and that you'll have a baby 6 months from the day you feel the first kick - WHO KNEW?! (small, quick eye roll for our mother).
Love the outfit. And after a long day in the skies yesterday, we appreciate helpful, talented, multi-taskers like yourself who make those trips as comfortable as possible for those of us belted to the over-stuffed, nasty smelling, talking-marshmallow sitting in our seat too!

alison said...

Hilarious, Marianne! And i think a pregnant woman could get away with punching someone like Doreen right in the nose.

Matt and Michelle said...

I know you love tags - so I tagged you on my blog! Have fun!

Brent & Andrea said...

Reading your blog made my day! You are a great writer Marianne, very witty. The dress is barfo, but my normal uniform at the vet isn't much better. Can't wait for baby Firth!

Shane and Heidi said...

Ya know what... I experience that whole lack of remebering things all the time since I've been pregnant. Shane and his brothers fondly refer to it as the Baby sitting on your brain vein. For instance, today while Shane and I were driving through Rexburg, (the big city it is) I got lost twice and couldn't remeber where we were. It was embarassing. Let's pray it DOES get better after we birth these babies!

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