Wednesday, January 11, 2006

GIlbert told Anne to write about what she knows...

...So what do I know? Hotels. My job requires me to spend 2 to 4 nights a week in them. In fact I am in one right now. It has a PC(!), lovely antique-looking tables and a puffy, all-white bed that I can't wait to get into for my three and a half hours of z's. This hotel rules. Others, not so much.
Things that make a hotel awesome, in no particular order, are: Good soap-shampoo sets. The fancier the better. After five plus years of free amenities I still get some odd rush at a fancy mini lotion sitting on my bathroom counter waiting for me. Mini mouthwash? So cute! So un-neccesary! Cozy bed with clen sheets. Now I know clean sheets sounds like it should be a given, but you would be surprised. The stories I could tell, but won't. Good cable. I love the food network and hate to miss a night of Alton Brown. I like two to three channels of movies so I don't have to be stuck with the semi-porn that is always HBO. Seriously it is so stank! Wake-up calls. He-elpful! Good food nearby. I like the assortment of fast food and a few mid-range eateries like Flingers and Chachies. Mini-fridges (empty) and microwaves in the room. So handy. Birthday cake and diet coke. O.K. so I have actually never been in a room with these amenities, but a girl can dream right?
Now, things that suck or that I don't like: Germs. From dirty sheets and bathtubs to hair on the towels or crusty stuff, well, anywhere, It is all really really bad. I take a handi-wipe to all surfaces that I might touch. Controllers, phones and alarm clocks get special treatment. Um, this hotel room is nice, but I DO NOT NEED A PHONE NEXT TO THE TOILET! I barely use the one next to the bed. No way am I touching the one in there. Seriously. That's messed up. "Joey? Promise me you will never call me from that phone". Heat/air units. There is no middle of the road for these loud industrial sized horrors. You are either bone jarringly cold or menopausally hot-flashing through the night. Snooty Hotel Staff. Some are great. And some are miserable. Hotels fight very hard to win contracts from companies like mine. Yes we get a deal on the rates, but they get a guaranteed block of rooms paid for 365 days a year. We keep some hotels in business during their off season. And yet some hotel employees treat us like second rate citizens because we aren't paying for it with our own credit cards or we aren't paying "full price". Any other company that uses corporate rates gets treated like royalty. Not us, they are doing us a favor by letting us spend the night in their spare room. It's beyond annoying.
So. I had no idea that this was going to be so dull. Sorry to my two to three readers. I will try harder this month.


Adam said...

As much as I have travelled (nowhere near what you have), I don't yet have the eye for good and bad that you seem to have. I definitely don't have the hang-up about germs. But now I'm gonna start checking my towels for hair. Ewe!

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